(04-01-2017, 11:43 PM)Hinoto-no-Ryuji Wrote: What I'm interested in now is a bit of feedback. I want to know what people experienced in this sort of thing think of it on like...a conceptual level. Too complicated? Too generic? On the right track? Also, I'd like to make sure I'm getting the details right; while I think I have a pretty solid grasp on the game's world and name lore, it couldn't hurt to make sure everything fits within it.
It's a very detailed backstory, has a lot of great story elements, and you seem to have a pretty firm grasp on the lore! So no worries on that front. My only real suggestion as far as the background goes is to say that sometimes less is more. A lot of tiny details comes with a very detailed background, but sometimes the story can get lost in those details. Beyond that, there were a few things that caught my eye.
![[Image: LAypXRu.png]](http://i.imgur.com/LAypXRu.png)
The first and most immediate is the city of Teibo having eluded the Empire's notice for well over twenty-five years despite being located rather centrally in Othard. With Bozja immediately to the west, Doma across the river to the east, Rabanastre somewhere to the south - it just seems that it'd be nearly impossible for a settlement the size of a city (sometimes you refer to it as village, othertimes a city?) to escape the empire's notice for so long right under their very noses, especially if Teibo had ever held trade with any of those cities in the past - someone would've known of its location?
I could see a more remote location working better, such as the foot of the Arras in the north or in the Tail Mountains? At least this offers the protection of the Garleans having to send its armies across the Azim Steppe to scout out Teibo's location when it likely would not need to, having assumed it already conquered all of Othard's known cities in the south. Alternatively, as Teibo eventually is discovered in the backstory anyways and submits to Garlean rule, having them do this earlier could also work. A different catalyst could just as easily drive Kagetora to send Ryuji in the direction of Eorzea for aid, such as the razing of Doma and Teibo fearing it will be next?
Second is Greylic's Bend in the south. This is another instance where it seems difficult to believe that a port town of all places would've escaped Garlean notice? According to the map, despite this southern region being shrouded, we can catch glimpses of Othard's southern desert region through the clouds, and place names up the narrow clouded region let us know that this is the Far East's landbridge to Ilsabard. We believe Rabanastre to be situated somewhere in that cloud cover, and know from the MSQ that it is also under Garlean control. This is likely where much of Garlemald's landbased army marched into the Far East, working its way down the Anchorite to Rabanastre and Greylic's Bend and then north towards Yanxia while their airships flew across the Sea of Knowing to besiege Bozja if they didn't submit on their own. In short, this is another region that should be under Garlean control and occupation for many, many years now. Again, considering that the port is just recently come under Garlean control when Gen and Ryuji arrive in the backstory, it seems like it'd just be easier to have had it always under Garlean control. Seeing as how the Far East and Eorzea have been trading steadily despite Garlean occupation for decades, it shouldn't matter overly much if they exit through a Garlean controlled port or not.
Ryuji Wrote:During a particularly vicious battle on the Doman Front of Garlemald’s Eastern campaign, the fourth through sixth cohorts of the [--] Imperial Legion are decimated, leaving a scattered few hundred of nearly 2000.
While we don't know how many legions were utilized in the invasion of Othard, we do know that the XIVth led by Gaius van Baelsar and the VIIth led by Nael van Darnus were both present in the invasion of Othard. Nael van Darnus's VIIth legion was actually stationed somewhere in Othard until 1572 where they were reassigned to Ala Mhigo to bolster the XIVth and resume the second incarnation of the Meteor Project. Given lore on how Nael van Darnus treated the Ala Mhigans when (s)he arrived, it's likely that the VIIth legion was also in control of Doma for the roughly ten year period after Bozja's obliteration in 1562.
Going to quickly drop in my own little Garlean activities timeline, though your timeline already accounted for most of it quite well!
Hope this helps! ^^ In any case, I thought the story was quite good and very creatively woven into the lore of Othard that we do know. I think perhaps too much attention to detail was given in some places versus others (such as Ryuji seemingly being the least fleshed out character in the cast), but that might be rectified as you write more story, or roleplay should you decide to jump into that.
