Okay, this is less of an at-work story and more of a on-my-way-to-work one, but I figure it’s not every day most MMO players experience Worldstar type shit in their daily lives, so I will share this.
So I take public transportation to work. In the city of Philadelphia – where I live – that’s SEPTA. On my way to work in downtown Philly, the bus route I take passes through the neighborhood of North Philadelphia, which is… well. It’s a pretty bad area. Not the WORST, but bad enough that I wouldn’t want to live there.
So I’m on this bus, listening to music as we pass through the heart of North Philly. At one of the major stops, a few blocks away from Spring Garden, two people get on the bus. One is an older man – maybe mid-60s or so – a very short and gangly looking fellow. He has a few missing teeth and bulging eyes, and his clothes hang off of him like any authentic dumpster diver. Following him is a straight up Behemoth of a woman. I shit you not, this woman is a real life Hellsguard. She has short dyed hair and tight, hot pink clothes on and looks like she could probably break the man in front of her over her knee.
So they get on the bus, and the man (who shall now be called Aggressor), pays his fare and makes his way onto the bus. Right at the front, he passes by a younger man (mid 30s perhaps) sitting in the handicap area. So this is the layout at this point:
![[Image: l7GACUt.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/l7GACUt.jpg)
As Aggressor passes the younger man (Bojangles (who is twice Aggressor’s size, mind you), he leans in low to mutter something to him. And that’s when it happens. Bojangles just starts swinging. Now despite their difference in size, these two are going at it. Everyone on the bus goes wild. Bojangles gets Aggressor in a semi-chokehold before Aggressor’s wife (Merlwyb) LITERALLY picks Aggressor up off the floor and tears him away.
“SIDDOWN!†Merlwyb shouts with a voice that burns through 40 packs of cigarettes a day. Merlwyb holds her husband back as a few people on the bus try and stop Bojangles.
“I’m gonna call the police!†Shouts the driver, and I suppose the fear of arrest is enough to scare Bojangles off, and he retreats through the back door of the bus.
“Yeah run bitch! Run!†Aggressor shouts at Bojangles as he tucks tail and flees. This, of course, does nothing to diffuse the situation, and the taunt gives Bojangles new purpose. The two start pacing – one inside the bus, the other outside – the length of the bus, trying to get to each other (both doors are still open).
Merlwyb manages to eventually corner her husband into a pair of seats, “SIDDOWN,†she screams again at 30 decibels higher than ten thousand screaming babies. He attempts to stand up again, watching Bojangles from out the window, and she shoves him back down. This happens a few more times. “SIDDOWN,†she repeats.
However, just when it seemed to be over, Merlwyb turns and starts shouting something to the driver. Aggressor sees this as his chance, and gets up to resume pacing. He almost gets out of the back door before Merlwyb snatches him by the back of his shirt, and drags him back over into his seat. “Yo you better sit your ass down I ain’t PLAYIN’ with you!â€
The doors to the bus close (finally). Bojangles casts one more incensed look into the bus before he stalks off. The driver takes a moment for the bus to calm down, and waits for the stoplight to turn green so she can resume her route.
BUT NO. The Fates had other plans. With a swagger in his step, Bojangles comes sauntering back. And – because it’s fucking North Philadelphia – this time he returns with a foot long piece of scrap metal that he just happened to find lying around. Bojangles approaches the front of the bus, and hurls the piece of metal as hard as he can at the bus. It’s a critical hit, and the front windshield of the bus completely shatters. Bojangles runs off, never to be seent again.
So I take public transportation to work. In the city of Philadelphia – where I live – that’s SEPTA. On my way to work in downtown Philly, the bus route I take passes through the neighborhood of North Philadelphia, which is… well. It’s a pretty bad area. Not the WORST, but bad enough that I wouldn’t want to live there.
So I’m on this bus, listening to music as we pass through the heart of North Philly. At one of the major stops, a few blocks away from Spring Garden, two people get on the bus. One is an older man – maybe mid-60s or so – a very short and gangly looking fellow. He has a few missing teeth and bulging eyes, and his clothes hang off of him like any authentic dumpster diver. Following him is a straight up Behemoth of a woman. I shit you not, this woman is a real life Hellsguard. She has short dyed hair and tight, hot pink clothes on and looks like she could probably break the man in front of her over her knee.
So they get on the bus, and the man (who shall now be called Aggressor), pays his fare and makes his way onto the bus. Right at the front, he passes by a younger man (mid 30s perhaps) sitting in the handicap area. So this is the layout at this point:
As Aggressor passes the younger man (Bojangles (who is twice Aggressor’s size, mind you), he leans in low to mutter something to him. And that’s when it happens. Bojangles just starts swinging. Now despite their difference in size, these two are going at it. Everyone on the bus goes wild. Bojangles gets Aggressor in a semi-chokehold before Aggressor’s wife (Merlwyb) LITERALLY picks Aggressor up off the floor and tears him away.
“SIDDOWN!†Merlwyb shouts with a voice that burns through 40 packs of cigarettes a day. Merlwyb holds her husband back as a few people on the bus try and stop Bojangles.
“I’m gonna call the police!†Shouts the driver, and I suppose the fear of arrest is enough to scare Bojangles off, and he retreats through the back door of the bus.
“Yeah run bitch! Run!†Aggressor shouts at Bojangles as he tucks tail and flees. This, of course, does nothing to diffuse the situation, and the taunt gives Bojangles new purpose. The two start pacing – one inside the bus, the other outside – the length of the bus, trying to get to each other (both doors are still open).
Merlwyb manages to eventually corner her husband into a pair of seats, “SIDDOWN,†she screams again at 30 decibels higher than ten thousand screaming babies. He attempts to stand up again, watching Bojangles from out the window, and she shoves him back down. This happens a few more times. “SIDDOWN,†she repeats.
However, just when it seemed to be over, Merlwyb turns and starts shouting something to the driver. Aggressor sees this as his chance, and gets up to resume pacing. He almost gets out of the back door before Merlwyb snatches him by the back of his shirt, and drags him back over into his seat. “Yo you better sit your ass down I ain’t PLAYIN’ with you!â€
The doors to the bus close (finally). Bojangles casts one more incensed look into the bus before he stalks off. The driver takes a moment for the bus to calm down, and waits for the stoplight to turn green so she can resume her route.
BUT NO. The Fates had other plans. With a swagger in his step, Bojangles comes sauntering back. And – because it’s fucking North Philadelphia – this time he returns with a foot long piece of scrap metal that he just happened to find lying around. Bojangles approaches the front of the bus, and hurls the piece of metal as hard as he can at the bus. It’s a critical hit, and the front windshield of the bus completely shatters. Bojangles runs off, never to be seent again.
