The ceremonial chords of the organs pulsated through the Saint Reymanaud Cathedral, echoing off the vaulted ceilings and permeating through every beam and stone. It was as if they wanted to herald to the world the august might of the Goddess of War, whose statue stood erect upon the altar with her spear and bronze greatshield at her sides. The shafts of colored daylight filtered in through the stained glass windows above her and crowned her head with an unworldly halo of brilliance.
The vision of Halone was meant to inspire awe and wonder to all her supplicants who looked upon her.
But rather than a paragon of strength, Roen only saw a lone, armored woman standing in solitude. Her stance was dignified, her shoulders squared with purpose... but the figure seemed cold and empty. She wondered if the woman within had ever been plagued with doubts. Did she ever falter under the weight of the knowledge that people of Ishgard all looked to her for deliverance? Or did that not matter to the Goddess of War, who only sought to unleash wrath upon all her enemies?
Roen often found her steps leading her here, to this place of worship, whenever her thoughts and wanderings became aimless. She did not like such idle times, especially within the city, but on too many occasions she was left to her own devices in between nightly patrols. Perhaps it was the music, or the austere architecture, but her seat at the back of the Cathedral became her refuge where she could come to drown her thoughts. Sorrow had become an unwanted, ghostly companion, and Roen had become desperate to part from it.
All of Ishgard seemed to implore the Mover of Glaciers for guidance, so why couldn’t she receive a similar epiphany? And yet, sun after sun, no such revelations came.
Until one ordinary afternoon, when an Elezen supplicant joined her, taking a seat on the pews next to her.
His armor, appearance, and mannerisms all spoke of an Ishgardian knight. But curiously enough, the Elezen was a Duskwight. The paladin peripherally knew of House of Dzemael, but had not come into much contact with Duskwights in Ishgard, much less one of knightly rank.
"Is aught amiss?" he had asked.
Roen was not sure why she did not dismiss his inquiry to her welfare. Perhaps a small part of her hoped to glean some answers of faith from a reverent knight rather than the silent idol.
"Are you devout?" she asked bluntly.
"While I would not call myself a priest, I have much faith, yes." He spoke softly but clearly; his regard of her was one of genteel courtesy.
"I came here seeking answers. I am finding none." Roen returned none of the cordiality as they spoke.
“Mayhaps then I can be of some aid.†He smiled amiably. “When I find myself here, 'tis oft to clear my thoughts. Providing such aid to another is but the least I can do."
"Your Goddess of War." The paladin did not hold his gaze for long, her eyes going back to the statue. "She holds a great shield, and yet it is her spear that represents her. Is it wrath that drives her? Or the determination to protect her people behind that shield?"
The Elezen pondered a moment. “While ‘tis true many see Halone's spear and look only to her wrath, some, including myself do not forget her shield. I am of the mind of the latter."
His sentiments… they were so similar to her own not so long ago. His pride in defending his people was obvious in his expression. It only made her frown. "If one does not take up the spear, if one does not destroy one's enemies, does that not only prolong the suffering of those you protect?"
"Such is true.†He did not seem to notice her darkened mood. “And yet the tale of loss is a common one amongst our people. I know not a single soul who has not been touched by it due to the war. One can wish to see peace without longing for war, can they not?"
“Some would say such wishes are made of fantasies and dreams. For those who seek to take up the shield, they should warn those shield bearers, they also need to kill. I have wondered if Halone shares such teachings to those of her faith."
Roen paid no mind as the knight turned to studied her, a curious look in his eyes. "One has need of both. To shield alone would invite a slow death, so one must needs strike with sword as well. I left behind the spear to take up shield some years past and I cannot say I regret such, despite my thoughts at the time."
That made her turn to peer up at him. "Why did you? Take up the shield rather than the spear? Did you find what you were looking for?"
"T'was not to search for anything that I did so.†He answered with a distant look. “Not at first. It was more disgust at those who sought to use their power to oppress others." He did not seem to take notice when Roen stiffened. "Taking up the shield was, to some, a dishonor. Father, brother, sister… each walked the path of the dragoon. And I would choose to do otherwise? Such was laughable. Dragoons are the elite. The highest and most holy defenders of our nation. A symbol of our strength."
He then turned to her, offering her a small smile. "And yet, if the spear Halone holds is a holy instrument, why should the shield be any less such?"
The paladin narrowed her eyes. "Many hold the idealism of protecting others and seeking peace without violent means as a virtue to be held above the rest." She sighed and fell back into her seat. "I have found such beliefs to be hollow."
"Violence, at times, is unavoidable,†the knight said quietly.
"Violence upon good people at times... is unavoidable." Roen echoed as she stared straight ahead.
"Perhaps. This is not a world free from such. Beasts, men, all manner of creature exist… some of which only understand the language of violence."
She was starting to find some comfort in his words. Was it his faith in Halone that lent him such composure? "...Do you believe in sacrifice?"
The Elezen drew a long, slow breath. "I believe sometimes such is necessary. Part at times must be sacrificed for the better of the whole. 'Tis neither easy nor as noble as is depicted in tales."
Roen bowed her head, her forelocks falling before her eyes. His words were not missing their marks, whether he had intended to or not. Suddenly what brief reprieve she had found in his wisdom had turned to remorse. "Nay, it is not easy." Her own voice emerged as a hoarse whisper. "Or noble."
His voice had quieted as well. "Not to the one who offers up the sacrifice, no. Perhaps to those who remember it."
She fought the warmth that threatened to blur her vision. A part of her was angry that she could be so easily stirred. Her hands clenched into fists as she remained silent for a long time, and the Elezen remained as he was, unobtrusively patient. The paladin swiped at her cheeks and inhaled deeply. "Perhaps I should have sought the teachings of Halone sooner. If such wisdom is imparted upon her followers."
The knight offered a rather hollow sounding chuckle. "Mayhaps, though I would venture to say your questions may have found a different answer should you have asked others."
Roen no longer turned to face him. "I have infringed on your time long enough, good ser. Gratitude for your time and answers.â€
He quirked a brow at her. "I trust your curiosity to be sated then?"
The paladin shook her head as she stood. “Nay, but you reminded me that the world is full of losses. For me to dwell on mine own does nothing."
The Duskwight rose when she did. “I am glad to have been of some assistance. Mayhaps should our paths cross again, you will have found some of which you seek."
Roen allowed herself to peer up at him, unable to shed her lingering sense of sadness. "I hope you can remain a shield bearer. One without regrets."
He looked upon her questioningly but eventually nodded. "Life oft has them, fellow shield bearer. We can only hope to carry the right ones in the end."
The paladin shook her head quickly. "I am a poor shield bearer. I should have taken up the spear. The greatsword. The axe. Anything but the damnable shield." Her words were turning bitter.
The knight canted his head, his voice remaining soft. "And why, praytell would that be?"
Roen glanced to the exit. She no longer wanted to be here, speaking with this stranger about all the misery in her heart. "That is not a tale anyone should wish to hear. Nor one I wish to share." She bowed curtly. "My apologies, that I cannot offer you the same courtesy in suitable answers."
The Elezen exhaled and waved a hand. "No apology is needed. 'Tis not my intent to pry, m'lady. Such… is perhaps still an open wound. Of this I understand well. It needs time to heal." There was a small pause before he continued. “Mayhaps 'tis forward to say as such, but there is little harm in one who bears the shield allowing some measure of selfishness."
The paladin instantly glared at him. "But what cost? My past selfishness allowed for things that should have never happened."
The knight folded his arms. "Tis one to measure is it not? We oft give of ourselves, every onze of our essence to protect others. If one does not allow time for yourself… you will simply give until you are spent. And should such a thing happen? Your shield will be of little use to anyone, especially oneself."
Roen shook her head. "Ser... I have much to atone for." Her gaze lowered, and she knew not why her next confession left her lips before this stranger. “Perhaps it was not answers I sought here." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "Perhaps I sought forgiveness.â€
"Another gifting such a thing to you would do little if you have not accepted it for yourself, my friend."
"Well then, it is futile for me to seek it here." She forced another frown to chase away all else. She bowed sharply at the waist before turning. "Gratitude, once again."
Her armored footsteps echoed over the stone floor as she made her hurried exit, the music of the cathedral's organs now distant and muted to her ears.
The vision of Halone was meant to inspire awe and wonder to all her supplicants who looked upon her.
But rather than a paragon of strength, Roen only saw a lone, armored woman standing in solitude. Her stance was dignified, her shoulders squared with purpose... but the figure seemed cold and empty. She wondered if the woman within had ever been plagued with doubts. Did she ever falter under the weight of the knowledge that people of Ishgard all looked to her for deliverance? Or did that not matter to the Goddess of War, who only sought to unleash wrath upon all her enemies?
Roen often found her steps leading her here, to this place of worship, whenever her thoughts and wanderings became aimless. She did not like such idle times, especially within the city, but on too many occasions she was left to her own devices in between nightly patrols. Perhaps it was the music, or the austere architecture, but her seat at the back of the Cathedral became her refuge where she could come to drown her thoughts. Sorrow had become an unwanted, ghostly companion, and Roen had become desperate to part from it.
All of Ishgard seemed to implore the Mover of Glaciers for guidance, so why couldn’t she receive a similar epiphany? And yet, sun after sun, no such revelations came.
Until one ordinary afternoon, when an Elezen supplicant joined her, taking a seat on the pews next to her.
His armor, appearance, and mannerisms all spoke of an Ishgardian knight. But curiously enough, the Elezen was a Duskwight. The paladin peripherally knew of House of Dzemael, but had not come into much contact with Duskwights in Ishgard, much less one of knightly rank.
"Is aught amiss?" he had asked.
Roen was not sure why she did not dismiss his inquiry to her welfare. Perhaps a small part of her hoped to glean some answers of faith from a reverent knight rather than the silent idol.
"Are you devout?" she asked bluntly.
"While I would not call myself a priest, I have much faith, yes." He spoke softly but clearly; his regard of her was one of genteel courtesy.
"I came here seeking answers. I am finding none." Roen returned none of the cordiality as they spoke.
“Mayhaps then I can be of some aid.†He smiled amiably. “When I find myself here, 'tis oft to clear my thoughts. Providing such aid to another is but the least I can do."
"Your Goddess of War." The paladin did not hold his gaze for long, her eyes going back to the statue. "She holds a great shield, and yet it is her spear that represents her. Is it wrath that drives her? Or the determination to protect her people behind that shield?"
The Elezen pondered a moment. “While ‘tis true many see Halone's spear and look only to her wrath, some, including myself do not forget her shield. I am of the mind of the latter."
His sentiments… they were so similar to her own not so long ago. His pride in defending his people was obvious in his expression. It only made her frown. "If one does not take up the spear, if one does not destroy one's enemies, does that not only prolong the suffering of those you protect?"
"Such is true.†He did not seem to notice her darkened mood. “And yet the tale of loss is a common one amongst our people. I know not a single soul who has not been touched by it due to the war. One can wish to see peace without longing for war, can they not?"
“Some would say such wishes are made of fantasies and dreams. For those who seek to take up the shield, they should warn those shield bearers, they also need to kill. I have wondered if Halone shares such teachings to those of her faith."
Roen paid no mind as the knight turned to studied her, a curious look in his eyes. "One has need of both. To shield alone would invite a slow death, so one must needs strike with sword as well. I left behind the spear to take up shield some years past and I cannot say I regret such, despite my thoughts at the time."
That made her turn to peer up at him. "Why did you? Take up the shield rather than the spear? Did you find what you were looking for?"
"T'was not to search for anything that I did so.†He answered with a distant look. “Not at first. It was more disgust at those who sought to use their power to oppress others." He did not seem to take notice when Roen stiffened. "Taking up the shield was, to some, a dishonor. Father, brother, sister… each walked the path of the dragoon. And I would choose to do otherwise? Such was laughable. Dragoons are the elite. The highest and most holy defenders of our nation. A symbol of our strength."
He then turned to her, offering her a small smile. "And yet, if the spear Halone holds is a holy instrument, why should the shield be any less such?"
The paladin narrowed her eyes. "Many hold the idealism of protecting others and seeking peace without violent means as a virtue to be held above the rest." She sighed and fell back into her seat. "I have found such beliefs to be hollow."
"Violence, at times, is unavoidable,†the knight said quietly.
"Violence upon good people at times... is unavoidable." Roen echoed as she stared straight ahead.
"Perhaps. This is not a world free from such. Beasts, men, all manner of creature exist… some of which only understand the language of violence."
She was starting to find some comfort in his words. Was it his faith in Halone that lent him such composure? "...Do you believe in sacrifice?"
The Elezen drew a long, slow breath. "I believe sometimes such is necessary. Part at times must be sacrificed for the better of the whole. 'Tis neither easy nor as noble as is depicted in tales."
Roen bowed her head, her forelocks falling before her eyes. His words were not missing their marks, whether he had intended to or not. Suddenly what brief reprieve she had found in his wisdom had turned to remorse. "Nay, it is not easy." Her own voice emerged as a hoarse whisper. "Or noble."
His voice had quieted as well. "Not to the one who offers up the sacrifice, no. Perhaps to those who remember it."
She fought the warmth that threatened to blur her vision. A part of her was angry that she could be so easily stirred. Her hands clenched into fists as she remained silent for a long time, and the Elezen remained as he was, unobtrusively patient. The paladin swiped at her cheeks and inhaled deeply. "Perhaps I should have sought the teachings of Halone sooner. If such wisdom is imparted upon her followers."
The knight offered a rather hollow sounding chuckle. "Mayhaps, though I would venture to say your questions may have found a different answer should you have asked others."
Roen no longer turned to face him. "I have infringed on your time long enough, good ser. Gratitude for your time and answers.â€
He quirked a brow at her. "I trust your curiosity to be sated then?"
The paladin shook her head as she stood. “Nay, but you reminded me that the world is full of losses. For me to dwell on mine own does nothing."
The Duskwight rose when she did. “I am glad to have been of some assistance. Mayhaps should our paths cross again, you will have found some of which you seek."
Roen allowed herself to peer up at him, unable to shed her lingering sense of sadness. "I hope you can remain a shield bearer. One without regrets."
He looked upon her questioningly but eventually nodded. "Life oft has them, fellow shield bearer. We can only hope to carry the right ones in the end."
The paladin shook her head quickly. "I am a poor shield bearer. I should have taken up the spear. The greatsword. The axe. Anything but the damnable shield." Her words were turning bitter.
The knight canted his head, his voice remaining soft. "And why, praytell would that be?"
Roen glanced to the exit. She no longer wanted to be here, speaking with this stranger about all the misery in her heart. "That is not a tale anyone should wish to hear. Nor one I wish to share." She bowed curtly. "My apologies, that I cannot offer you the same courtesy in suitable answers."
The Elezen exhaled and waved a hand. "No apology is needed. 'Tis not my intent to pry, m'lady. Such… is perhaps still an open wound. Of this I understand well. It needs time to heal." There was a small pause before he continued. “Mayhaps 'tis forward to say as such, but there is little harm in one who bears the shield allowing some measure of selfishness."
The paladin instantly glared at him. "But what cost? My past selfishness allowed for things that should have never happened."
The knight folded his arms. "Tis one to measure is it not? We oft give of ourselves, every onze of our essence to protect others. If one does not allow time for yourself… you will simply give until you are spent. And should such a thing happen? Your shield will be of little use to anyone, especially oneself."
Roen shook her head. "Ser... I have much to atone for." Her gaze lowered, and she knew not why her next confession left her lips before this stranger. “Perhaps it was not answers I sought here." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "Perhaps I sought forgiveness.â€
"Another gifting such a thing to you would do little if you have not accepted it for yourself, my friend."
"Well then, it is futile for me to seek it here." She forced another frown to chase away all else. She bowed sharply at the waist before turning. "Gratitude, once again."
Her armored footsteps echoed over the stone floor as she made her hurried exit, the music of the cathedral's organs now distant and muted to her ears.