This tangent leads me to the question... What does it really matter who is behind the keys?
If it's a female character, and we are roleplaying, my character is going to treat them as female (including potentially flirting with them). That's why it's roleplaying.
In my experience, if your actions are driven according to the person behind the keyboard rather than the character... it's generally going to lead to drama and cause nothing but problems. I've been bitten by this a few times in the past, so I've simply come to the conclusion that it just doesn't matter who is behind the keys. Grandma or Grandpa, Fat Albert or Pauley Perrette; IC is IC, and OOC is OOC.
If it's a female character, and we are roleplaying, my character is going to treat them as female (including potentially flirting with them). That's why it's roleplaying.
In my experience, if your actions are driven according to the person behind the keyboard rather than the character... it's generally going to lead to drama and cause nothing but problems. I've been bitten by this a few times in the past, so I've simply come to the conclusion that it just doesn't matter who is behind the keys. Grandma or Grandpa, Fat Albert or Pauley Perrette; IC is IC, and OOC is OOC.