"I was born and raised in a place we name Aïwenor. Let’s say it’s a far away desert where sand dunes act like sea waves. You can say my early years was happy, as every member of my Family I learned how to call for my familiar and everything to survive there. I don’t really remember my father, Mother said he had to leave for his duty but he never came back. I don’t really miss him, I got a brother, Aghamyr and a sister, I’silmë and life was happy enough for me.
Things really changed the day when a part of Dalamud fell on the desert. I told you that the dunes where like waves, it’s because they are bathed with aether and they react to this. The Dalamud's teardrop aether opposed the one of the desert. In the end waves changed onto tempests and the sickness which was cursing my family since eons Increased its potency and killed a part of us.
Mother ordered us to leave, that was her lasts words and since nobody else could really do it, I leaded the Family away from Aïwenor. After some long weeks of walking, we ended in Eorzea and decided to find a place to settle.
This was seven years ago. Life could have been nice, I enrolled in Ul’Dah's Paladin order, we found a hunting ground for the Family, I met a Seeker, and were married. But the Empire attacked and I choose to fight with a part of the Family members. Some died, some were crippled as I was and my wife vanished. Our hunting ground was destroyed when Bahamut was set free, since then we’re still looking for an substitute
I don’t have strong memories of the past five years, I got to learn back everything I knew since the world is not the same when you have only one eye. I had to take care of my Family, it took me a lot of time. I think I was lonely.
And now... I’m happy and it’s mostly because of Nebbs. For sure I still have many things to do, but I feel better than before and ready to accept what will happen next."

Ilwe’ran Hlaiwa


For the third time I read that piece of paper which fell from a book and for the third time I asked myself if I was completely naive, blind or having forgotten half of my past at the time I wrote it.
I sat at the desk of my workshop and turned the paper pensively in my hands, folding and unfolding it, when Nebbs came inside the room. I smiled to her, she imitated me and I looked at her walking to me, still amazed by the fact there were so many things said while none of us even pronounced a word. As I was watching her coming closer, she giggled and added some extra wiggles to her pace. I chortled softly as she stopped by the other side of the desk, I had to hold back from jumping to my feet to embrace her.

Ilwe > Need something ?
Nebbs > Well a kiss, and a hug and then I’ll tell you about the bit on the children's bed that has come loose. The girls were playing at being babies in the crib.
Ilwe > Oh, I certainly can take care of all those tasks.

I stood up with a smile and circled the desk to join her. Taking her hand, I pulled her gently to me and kissed her while wrapping my arms around her waists. She welcomed me into her arms and returned the kiss. Then with a smile and a lingering hold of my hand she walked to the door. I opened a drawer and placed the note in it before following Nebbs, there was no need for her to know about this. She spared me a look, slowing her pace so I could catch up and I trotted to her, leaving my questions behind.

The task Nebbs needed me to accomplish didn’t took so long, but the girls wanted me to read a story and then to play the prince they could save from the nasty dracofrog. It’s pretty late that I returned to my office to work some more and ran into the piece of paper while I was seeking for another pencil. I read it again, forgetting about the layout I was drawing and sighed. Understanding that this will haunt me until I could say what I was thinking about it, I rolled the layout and put it back on his place then picked some white paper and a bottle of ink.



To the one I was before and who seemed to have forgotten more than me who he truly was,


It’s been a while that I didn’t have to directly face something coming from you. I’m not talking about the girls, my work or some parts of myself I’m still discovering that you left to me as a legacy.. I’m talking about facing something more direct as your handwriting on this small piece of paper.
When you disappeared and all that what was left of you was me, Nebbs was courageous enough to sell everything that was yours. Your belongings, your clothes, your tools.. Even the house where you and her were living. The firsts months were a trial for all of us. Between me, not being the same, having forgotten everything even her - or rather never having met her - your vanishing, and her pregnancy.. There was a lot to overcome and even with her support and her love, it is still hard to deal with some of the things you left unfinished.
I admit I often wonder what kind of male I could have been during those ten years and you don’t really help me to have a good opinion of what I became. Even my nightmares often turn around you stealing away Nebbs.. On those you are possessive and tend to be violent if you don’t have what you want. Of course, that is only the result of my own fears and the time Nebbs needed to notice that you and me aren’t and will never be the same. But still, I don’t have a good opinion of what you did about who we are.
First of all, I always found you became a coward, running away from your responsibilities toward the Family, Parma, Aïwenor and even F’elia and F’anya. I know that during those pasts ten years you had a rough life, but how could you have forgotten why we were born and raised for ? How could you left this message on that book knowing that our past unlikely was what you describe ? Who were you trying to deceive..?


I stopped writing a moment to consider my tail which was whipping the air. More than forcing me to face the one I have been again, this short letter was irritating me a lot. With an annoyed sigh, I returned to my answer.


I come to think that you were lying to yourself. Maybe the weight of all what you had to suffer was just too much for you to endure and you tried to bury our history deep enough to forget about it. But I’m not you and, as absurd as it sounds, I feel the need to answer and to correct this bullshit you left behind you for me to read.

Lets talk about our youth. You never said to Nebbs that you had, in fact four brothers. She told me that she remembered you naming three, but you didn’t talk about Firya’li. So far, there is not much to be said about him beside the fact he disappeared a few time after we were born. But still, I don’t understand why you kept silent about him. I know that it was some kind of tacit rule within the Family about him, and for this reason even you and me never knew much about who he was. But she was your mate as much as she is mine.. She deserved to know.

As you I suppose, I don’t have much memories of our early years. I have some faint memories about our sickness, I remember having met Ethany for the first time at this moment, but I wouldn’t be able to say exactly what happened and what was said at that time. Though, one certain thing is we were sent right after to the Tribe’s main town.. Or to be more precise, in Sholte’s claws.
What I can tell you now - as we unfolded partly what happened since I awoken - is that Sholte used our parents’ distress to get her hands on us. Our Father paid a heavy price for us to be cured by that witch and he died in her manor, not long after conceiving Mavra with her.
What was interesting Sholte was to get closer to the Family and to Parma.. We are still unsure about her motives and seeking for some answers on that side, but what is certain, is when I read you writing that our “young age was happy” and that we remained within the Family to learn our tradition, it sounded like a deaf joke to me.
We never have been sent back to the Family. Sholte held us captive for years, treating us as a guinea pig for her experimentations. We lost our faculty to cast even a simple spell as she was draining our abilities for her own usage and it’s Ethany who taught us again how to use Aether. She was the one who allowed us to call our Familiar for the first time and her again who stood by our side all this time.
Then something happened, I still don’t know exactly what, but Ethany completely changed. She became as cold as her mother and probably as manipulative as you could remember her. Though I’m not even sure of that last point.. When I see Nebbs’ reactions toward Ethany, I truly think that you messed up her confidence regarding Ethany at some point. It took me literally months to make her talking about her fear and not hiding in her shell as she is used to do when I reach a delicate topic. Nebbs told me countless time that I was naive, that I was siding Ethany against her again and again, and some other things I couldn’t get until I managed to shake her enough so she would talk. Things are a bit better now, but everytime she hears her name, she becomes as cold as ice and it’s always a bit complicated to calm her when she is stiff like that.

That you could stay silent on some points, like for our lost brother, I could have understood, but you also said nothing about Fea, how she took us away from Sholte, how she faced the Council so she could adopt us and how we spent our youth between the Tribe and the Family to receive a proper education from both. How could you not have told her how this was important and which hopes our Mothers settled on us ? Among all the feelings Nebbs can have toward what is revolving around who we are, her hatred against the Tribe and her lack of trust toward the Family was probably what shocked me the most. How could have you that let happen ?


I spent a moment considering how the tone of the letter was gradually changing from my need to write down what really happened to a pile of blames. I leaned back on my chair, watching the ceiling to calm down. Being angry against what I did and how I changed during those past ten years was pointless and pretty childish. Taking back my quill, I chose to face the problem from another angle.


Or rather, what did happened so you forgot the years we spent as an ambassador between the Family and the Tribe so the war between the both could cease ? For me it looks like you basically rejected everything of our past. You rejected me.
I am conscious that a lot of things occurred during those pasts ten years and if I try to see the situation objectively, I know that the chain of events that lead you to leave Aïwenor is what broke you. I understand that the solitude led you to make some bad choices, pushing you to meddle with things you should have ignored and to embrace people you should never have met. The war, your injury that I never had to deal with, the disappearance of the one you chose to mate with.. I don’t know when you lost hope and the way we were following, but, in the end, you lost the both of us.

I am still angry. The pieces you left for me to collect and to try to assemble are painful to gather, and filling the blanks lead me to disillusionment most of the time. Though.. I understand why Nebbs had so many difficulties to differentiate between you and me, our core remain the same, only what happened dusted your view and your soul. But you didn’t fundamentally change..

Beside those feelings that time will appease, I also have a lot of respect for what you did. You certainly handled what I forgot in the best ways possible and preserved yourself at best as you could, even though I am displeased by a lot of consequences of your choices, I admit that I wouldn’t have done better on some points. How you managed to change your handicap to a force pushing you to refine your crafting abilities never cease to amaze me. But this topic leads me to go back on the first thing I said : You’re cowardice.

Even though Nebbs was quite muddled every time we spoke about those pasts ten years (and that is my fault, I admit having rejected you at first as much as you rejected me) it appears to me everytime that you were turning your back to life.
When that piece of Dalamud fell in the desert, you followed our Mother’s words and I would probably have done the same.. But after having led the Family to Eorzea.. You left them alone most of the time, helping while you were learning how to use a sword. Really ? We spend more than twenty five years mastering how to wisely use words, to keep our cool and to NOT rise a weapon against anybody.. And right away as you came here, to focus on something else, running away from what was happening, you turned your attention to the worse thing that I could have imagine. The art of war.
I know that you were good at it. When I have myself to unsheathe that sword you put onto our hands, my body naturally remember what you taught to it. While I am still taming all those things you learned and I avoid some of those, such as wearing this kind of weapon, relaying on a sword isn’t something I feel as being ourselves. That led you to war and that also led you to meet F’leya..

I heard her name for the first time from Nebbs and she refused to say more than “She’s F’elia and F’anya’s mother”. Just this and deal with it. I didn’t needed more anyway to understand that you mated with another person and I can’t judge you on this side as I can only imagine your distress. But you and me are wiser right ? I know that the reason why you accepted to join this war to protect Eorzea was partly linked to that person and I know as well that she disappeared while you were left for dead on the battlefield. There I begin to think that you should have remember what Fea and Mother taught us. And what decision we took after we helped Altëa.
It’s only after I came back to her that Nebbs told me that she met F’leya and that this one tried to kill you. When I say that you were turning your back to life, I’m also referring to this.. I can only try to imagine how it can feel to meet your supposed to be deceased wife, armed with a knife and trying to stab you. Why didn’t you fought back? And.. Why did you continue ignoring the situation ? What would have happened if F’leya and her mate didn’t run onto Ethany ? What would have you done if she chose to attack Nebbs and not you ? I suppose I won’t come to any answer as you and me are enough different so I can’t even understand why you broke our promise in the first place. Though, while I had a hard time to accept what you did, considering F’elia and F’anya as my daughters was, in fact, really natural. They ask some questions sometimes, wondering how you became me and if I will stay like this. But, the time helping, they are less and less looking for you through me and accepting me as I am. The same yet different in the end..
For Olv’a and Lindë it’s totally different, you disappeared during Nebbs’ pregnancy and I myself wasn’t present for a part of it, but I was there when she gave birth, holding her and helping her. While it’s sometimes complicated to face F’elia and F’anya’s questions when it comes to things I forgot, I will not encounter those problems with the Twins. Though, I’m sure that one day I will have to explain to them what happened to me.. And thus, to you.


I looked at the piece of paper a moment wondering why I was hesitating to write what was coming to my mind. Was it stupid to explain what happened those pasts months to someone who would never read.. This person was me after all.. Me before that Siren’s spell hurt me and brought me back to my five years old body. Me before I was placed in that pod to grow back. Me before Ethany broke the leaves which were protecting me. I wasn’t supposed to be there, I was the mistake catching up with what was forgotten, struggling with what was left unfinished.. But Nebbs made her choice. With a sigh, I plunged my quill again in the ink and decided to finish with some simple words.


You have been gifted with another chance. And this chance is me. I believe that there are some moments in life where you’re facing a crossroads and you gave me the possibility to see one of the paths which are offered to me. Somehow, I feel sorry to announce you that I will not make the same choice and will follow instead that path you seemed to have lost. Even though your knowledge is missing, there are things I can do and you probably couldn’t yourself. You drove yourself in a corner and I’m glad I don’t remember anything about this.
With all of this, I think that my anger is a bit appeased, but I really hope you didn’t hide anything else like that somewhere else, I don’t want to see Nebbs crying again because of what happened to us..



I looked at the door as I heard someone knocking and smiled at Nebbs while she came in again, this time carrying a tray holding a few bowls in which I knew she had put some of my favorites dishes.

Nebbs > Well you seem to be working on that paper late, so i though some supper might be welcome and I might entice you away sooner ? It’s not healthy to brood over things like that you know.

She sat on the desk and put down the tray, still talking, and pushed inauspiciously the bottle of ink as she was reminding me that I shouldn’t push my body too much, that I was still recovering after all and I should take a break. I looked at the bottle falling and then at the ink running on the pages I just finished to write. Nebbs let out a faint shriek and tried frantically to sponge the ink, using her robe to absorb it. I looked at the scene a moment, like hypnotized by the ink still flowing out of the open bottle and only reacted when Nebbs began to speak.

Nebbs > Eeeek ! No ! stop.. aggh.. There it’s not so bad, well as disasters go. Maybe I can redo it or magic it clean again?

I calmly took the bottle, plugged it and helped Nebbs to stand up.

Ilwe > It’s fine, really, it wasn’t that much important.

I picked the letter along with the piece of paper and threw them in the fireplace. Nebbs stepped in by reflex to take them off the fire but I stopped her and stroke her hair.

Nebbs > No Ilwe I could fix it I’m sure.
Ilwe > It’s alright.

I bended and kissed her, taking her in my arms. She almost immediately calmed down.

Ilwe > More importantly, you ruined your favorite robe Nebbs.
Nebbs > Frogs that won’t come out, it will need something special or I’ll have to dye the whole robe the same colour.
Ilwe > I’ll take care of it tomorrow. You said that I need to rest right ? So just go change, I’m coming.

She looked at me a last time before leaving. As she closed the door, I turned to the fire. From the paper and the letter there were nothing left more than some ashes. I shrugged and picked the bowls, placing them back on the tray. Without even slowing my pace or hesitating, I left the room to join Nebbs.