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character check, please! - Printable Version

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character check, please! - aure - 08-06-2015

Hi there. I've created a new character, with a bit of a twist. Twist being done quite a bit before, and that's magitek augmentation. Sarnai possesses a magitek spinal column and arm, to account for limbs lost and bones broken in previous battles. A taste of him, plus some concept drawings are below. It's my first time roleplaying someone with Garlean affiliation, much less an out-and-out villain, so please let me know what you think.

Backstory -

Dotharl fight. Dotharl war. Dotharl… are not a nice tribe. At all. In the midst of curbstomping a rival tribe, Sarnai, a young warrior of twenty years, was injured. Horribly. Bruised, bloody, beaten, missing an arm and with a broken back, Sarnai prepared to die within the battlefield - his tribe having moved on their merry way, to kill and pillage so many more tribes with no thought to their own dead or dying.

A passing Garlean patrol stumbled upon the battlefield, en route to Doma, hopelessly lost within the mountainous region. An opportunistic primus pilus decided to do the best with what opportunity had presented, and decided to take the injured au ra with them - after having a field medic cauterize his wounds. As time went on, Sarnai’s information, directions, and advice served the patrol well. When they reached the rest of their legion and prepared to take Doma, Sarnai once again prepared for death. He’d outlived his use, after all. He, above most people, was under no illusions of the fact life was short. He’d survived twenty years. In Dotharl terms, that wasn’t a bad stretch.

And then, for the first time in his life, he was surprised. Following the (unexpectedly) glowing praise he was granted toward the unit’s Tribunus by the primus plius, He was tasked further. The fall of Doma was somewhat messy - and as result, had meant that many had fled. The Garleans saw fit to allow “natural elements” to see to handling the survivors. “Natural elements” of course were the surrounding Dotharl as much as monsters.

Tasked with re-entering the Dotharl, and handling “recruitment”, (palming off the dying victims of his tribe’s violent nature into Garlean conscription) Sarnai was granted a magitek arm, plus a completely rebuilt magitek spinal column, so he could successfully re-integrate as what he originally was - a warrior, the only thing of worth to the Dotharl - complete with synthetic skin grafts so his affiliations could remain secret.

Concept drawings-
(Please do not post these anywhere. I worked hard on them, and really don't want to see them edited, or unedited, on anyone else's wikis.)

[Image: tumblr_nsjds8oLN71s9qilso1_1280.png]
- magitek spinal column (without grafts)

[Image: tumblr_nshe3s7JVy1s9qilso1_1280.png]
- magitek arm (without grafts)

Insecurities -
  • Doman history - I'm looking for verification on the fact Doma is in Othard, and close to Alabatha's Spine. While I'm sure that I've read information somewhere before that states Doma and the mountains of the Raen are close- plus within Othard, I can't refind it and I'm looking for a little confirmation.

  • Magitek augmentation - While I'm aware that handing that sort of tech out to non-Garleans is pretty unheard of, I'm going with a "one good plius" angle on this, plus the fact that Sarnai had a job to do with reuniting a small Garlean force with their legion, plus has a job to do with rounding up survivors as reasoning for why he wasn't just shot on sight. I have specified that he does have skin grafts (or at the very least, a synthetic skin and darksteel scales) to not make his enhancements apparent, so I can rp within XIV without anyone knowing about his arm. Some thoughts on this would be appreciated -- especially from folk that've done the augmentation thing before.

Thanks very much for all your help!

RE: character check, please! - Nero - 08-08-2015

I recommend you put a highly visible signature or a watermark somewhere in a space where it can't be obviously removed while not being obtrusive, such as overlapping with the very top of the hair, on the lower edge of the image along the character's lower body or leg, or embedded in the background.

(08-06-2015, 12:27 PM)aure Wrote: It's my first time roleplaying someone with Garlean affiliation, much less an out-and-out villain, so please let me know what you think.

Emphasis mine.

I say this very frequently, but I'll reiterate: do not think of your character as a villain. Think of your character as a person, and if they grow into the villain role, then let them. Let it be organic. Your character isn't just a device. Don't be planning their thoughts, actions, or emotions based on the idea of "Well, he's a villain", not unless you're planning on using him as the big bad guy of a DND campaign whose only function is to be massacred by a party of loot-crazed adventurers.

And I am not saying your character has to be a hero or morally gray or ambiguous, either. I'm saying that his reasons for acting or thinking certain ways should be justified outside of metaplanning and morality. He doesn't, say, execute POWs because "he's a villain, they do that", he does it because of the lack of personnel and the impracticality of keeping prisoners that have no value. If he's being needlessly cruel, it's not because he's "supposed to be a villain", but because as a character he loves indulging in violence as an intrinsic part of his personality in addition to an upbringing.

Write for the character, not for the role.

(08-06-2015, 12:27 PM)aure Wrote: Backstory -

Dotharl fight. Dotharl war. Dotharl… are not a nice tribe. At all. In the midst of curbstomping a rival tribe, Sarnai, a young warrior of twenty years, was injured. Horribly. Bruised, bloody, beaten, missing an arm and with a broken back, Sarnai prepared to die within the battlefield - his tribe having moved on their merry way, to kill and pillage so many more tribes with no thought to their own dead or dying.

A passing Garlean patrol stumbled upon the battlefield, en route to Doma, hopelessly lost within the mountainous region. An opportunistic primus pilus decided to do the best with what opportunity had presented, and decided to take the injured au ra with them - after having a field medic cauterize his wounds.

I'm a little hazy on the details. Was this Garlean patrol in the exact immediate area and stumbled on the battlefield literally minutes after his tribe had left? Wouldn't he have bled out by then if he were missing a limb? You might make half an hour tops with rudimentary first aid, but, well...still difficult. Also, if they're just a patrol, were they equipped to carry a crippled Au Ra around for...days? Maybe a week or more? That's still some solid weight of lizard-demon man they're hauling around.

(08-06-2015, 12:27 PM)aure Wrote: As time went on, Sarnai’s information, directions, and advice served the patrol well. When they reached the rest of their legion and prepared to take Doma, Sarnai once again prepared for death. He’d outlived his use, after all. He, above most people, was under no illusions of the fact life was short. He’d survived twenty years. In Dotharl terms, that wasn’t a bad stretch.

Expand a bit. What kind of skills does Sarnai know that would be useful? Is he a tracker? A good sense of direction? What kind of advice would he have given? The Dotharl don't seem particularly keen on maintaining such things outside of the necessity of finding food and things to fight. Expanding on his knowledge allows the reader to gain a glimpse as to what kind of person he is.

(08-06-2015, 12:27 PM)aure Wrote: Insecurities -

Doman historyI'm looking for verification on the fact Doma is in Othard, and close to Alabatha's Spine. While I'm sure that I've read information somewhere before that states Doma and the mountains of the Raen are close- plus within Othard, I can't refind it and I'm looking for a little confirmation.

If you're referring to Abalathia's Spine, you're misinformed; Abalathia's Spine refers strictly to the mountain range on the continent of Aldenard, where Eorzea is. So, wrong continent.

As for the geography, it's not implausible for Dotharl to be prowling around on the continent; the Xaela aren't strictly limited to the western steppes of Othard. Doma is explicitly stated to be on the eastern end of the continent, behind a mountain range if the Raen summary is to be believed. A few other Xaela tribes resides along the eastern coast of the continent or the northeastern mountains. Dotharl being Dotharl, it's reasonable for them to be more or less wandering aimlessly towards the east looking for things to fight, and thus be in the path of Garleans heading east to Doma.

(08-06-2015, 12:27 PM)aure Wrote: Magitek augmentation - While I'm aware that handing that sort of tech out to non-Garleans is pretty unheard of, I'm going with a "one good plius" angle on this, plus the fact that Sarnai had a job to do with reuniting a small Garlean force with their legion, plus has a job to do with rounding up survivors as reasoning for why he wasn't just shot on sight. I have specified that he does have skin grafts (or at the very least, a synthetic skin and darksteel scales) to not make his enhancements apparent, so I can rp within XIV without anyone knowing about his arm. Some thoughts on this would be appreciated -- especially from folk that've done the augmentation thing before.

While I personally haven't done the magitek augmentation thing for any of my characters, it's reasonable to assume that A). The Garleans have a sufficient mastery of synthetic fabrication to create a rubber, fiber, or celluloid that could replicate at least the appearance of skin on a superficial level (otherwise how the heck do they get those top-heavy airships to fly, sheesh) and that B). synthetic skin wouldn't be modular unless the magitek arm is also capable of transforming or shedding itself in some way.

RE: character check, please! - Sounsyy - 08-08-2015

(08-06-2015, 12:27 PM)aure Wrote: Doman history - I'm looking for verification on the fact Doma is in Othard, and close to Alabatha's Spine. While I'm sure that I've read information somewhere before that states Doma and the mountains of the Raen are close- plus within Othard, I can't refind it and I'm looking for a little confirmation.

Doma is was an Imperial Province located along the mountainous, eastern coastline of Othard, the Far Eastern Great Continent. The entire continent has been living under Garlean occupation for 25 years. However, after a recent rebellion staged by Doma's Ninjas, the Garleans retaliated by razing the city-state to set an example for the rest of their Far Eastern territories. More info on that topic can be found here and here!

Quote:Unlike their sister clan, the Xaela, who bloody the land with endless tribal conflict, the Raen have embraced a life of tranquility and solitude, long abandoning the nomadic lifestyle of their ancestors to settle the deep valleys of Othard's mountainous eastern reaches. Only on rare occasions will one emerge from the valley mists to seek adventure in realms afar.

Quote:Unlike their sister clan, the Raen, who lead solitary lives hidden behind the savage peaks of Othard's eastern reaches, the Xaela are free spirits who roam the vast western steppe in close-knit tribes hunting, gathering, and warring as their ancestors have for countless generations.

Dotharl Wrote:An extremely violent tribe with members who revel in massacre and are taught from a young age not to fear death. While they are quick to attack other tribes, mortality rates are high, ensuring that their numbers never grow too high.


Abalathia's Spine, however, is nearly on the opposite side of the world from Othard, in the Western Great Continent, Aldenard, just north of Ishgard.

[Image: 750px-Map_of_Eorzea.png]

Abalathia's Spine is the vast mountain range that stretches across the entire northern portion of Eorzea, from the Thaliak River near Sharlayan in the west to the Velodyna River near Ala Mhigo. Dravania makes up its western-most region, Gyr Abania makes up Abalathia's eastern-most region.

The mountains continue northwards across the landbridge between Aldenard and Ilsabard, the North Great Continent and home to the Garlean Empire. But we do not know if these mountains are still named for Abalathia's Spine.

Vista #14 Wrote:Sohm Al
Of all the mighty peaks that comprise Abalathia's Spine, none rise higher than Sohm Al, the highest point in all Eorzea. It is held as a sacred land by the dragons, who are said to journey here when they feel their life slipping away. Formed not of stone but solid crystal, the massive mountain floating above the ground below is a marvelous sight to behold.

Vista #32 Wrote:The Tipped Ewer
The spot where the melted snows of Abalathia's Spine flow emerge from their source to descend down the mountain, forming the countless tributaries that come together as the mighty Thaliak River. The name is said to come from the deity whose name the river bears and the magicked pitcher from which poured the waters of knowledge.

In short, no, Doma and Abalathia's Spine are nowhere near one another. Most Doman and Far Eastern refugees who have fled Othard for Eorzea have done so by boat. Given how Doma specifically is on Othard's eastern coast, the refugees had to sail south before turning west and riding Hydaelyn's equator across the Sea of Ash, circling around Cape Deadwind and finally sailing north along the Vesper coastline.

Though other routes are, of course, possible. Just that is the route Yugiri and the Doman refugees took in the MSQ. Boats could also be taken from Othard's western steps across the Sea of Jade towards the island nation of Thavnair, the Near East, before venturing further west towards the Rothlyt Sound. The islands in the Sound (Mazlaya and The Pearl) are inhabited, and river ferries could be taken to enter the Black Shroud, though this route is incredibly dangerous for strangers. The Twelveswood and its denizens are not fond of Outsiders. However, the alternatives are even more dangerous: Making land north of the Rothlyt Sound places one in Gyr Abania, now Garlean territory. To the south of the Sound lies Paglth'an, Amalj'aa territory.


Hope this helps! ^^ Lemme know if you have more questions on lore or geography!